Preparing for a Temple Sealing* in an LDS Blended Family
- Kiersten Wilson
- Jul 15
- 11 min read
Updated: Jul 22
Preparing for a temple sealing in an LDS blended family can be beautiful, sacred—and surprisingly complex. Along with the excitement of creating a new eternal bond with your spouse come difficult questions involving children, former partners, grief, loyalty conflicts, and uncertainty about eternal relationships.
Whether your previous marriage ended through death or divorce, learn how thoughtful preparation can help create a wedding/sealing day that strengthens not only your marriage, but your entire family.
*This article takes the perspective of a combined wedding/sealing in an LDS remarriage. Many remarrying couples marry civilly and are later sealed. Adapt the advice to your unique circumstances.
What to Consider Before Talking to Your Children About Your Temple Sealing
It’s easy to put on rose-colored glasses when we’re immersed in the haze of new romance, but it’s important to slow down and consider how prepared your children are as your relationship heads not only to temporal commitment, but eternal sealing.
There is no hard and fast rule regarding whether, or how long, you need to wait to remarry for the sake of your children. The point is to consider their feelings and how well they are adjusting. Children need honest conversations in an emotionally safe environment where they know their feelings and concerns matter.
The following areas can help guide your pre-wedding preparations, as well as conversations with your children about your sealing:
Timing
Length of time since death or divorce (both minor and adult children typically need more time to adjust to loss)
Visitation schedule (do not pressure your prior spouse to give up their time to accommodate your wedding)
Your Child’s Unique Needs
Chronic or acute mental, emotional, or physical struggles
Challenging stage of development (e.g., pre-teen, teen)
Adult child’s stage of life (e.g., their own marriage, pregnancy, job changes)
Other Biological Parents
*(Check out my article specifically on how to navigate relationship dynamics with a former spouse prior to remarriage)
How well do you get along with your former spouse?
How well has your former spouse adjusted to divorce?
How close are your children to their other parent?
How protective do they feel toward their other parent?
Does your former spouse have pressing mental, emotional, or physical struggles?
Stepparent-Stepchild Relationship
How well does your child get along with your new partner?
How long have they known them?
Is there strong resistance on either side of the stepparent-stepchild relationship?
Step Sibling Dynamics
Will you be combining households of minor children?
Will your children lose space or privacy as a result of combining households?
How well do your children know their soon-to-be stepsiblings?
Have they spent sufficient time together?
Are there any concerns that need to be worked through (e.g., power struggles, jealousy, economic imbalances)
How to Talk to Children About Temple Sealings After Divorce or Remarriage
The eternal nature of family relationships within the doctrine of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints introduces a level of complexity in remarriage. The words of the beloved song, “Families Can Be Together Forever” can be confusing or even evoke pain for children who have experienced the loss of what they viewed as their ideal family through death or divorce.
It is important for remarrying couples to be sensitive to how their children feel about a new temple sealing and how it affects their vision and understanding of eternal families, in general, and their eternal family bonds, in particular. If you were sealed to your child’s other parent and you are now seeking a cancellation of that sealing, your child may wonder if their sealing to their parents will also be nullified.
I remember my oldest son asking me that very question when both his Dad and I were preparing for remarriage around the same time. I answered his question with a drawing.
Using this drawing I explained to my son that although the eternal bond between his parents was no longer intact and a new eternal bond would be made between each new couple, the sealing between the children and their parents was still in place, and would remain so. (See Church Handbook 38.4.2.8 Status of Children When a Sealing is Canceled or Withdrawn)
I also encouraged him to go to the Lord with his concerns and seek His counsel and direction as we moved into a new and challenging phase in our family. It is important that children feel that their parents trust them to get answers for themselves - receiving personal revelation, confirmation, and/or peace from the Spirit.
Including Children in an LDS Blended Family Wedding
When you remarry with children from a prior relationship, you are not just creating a new couple, but a new family. This requires a more expansive view of who should be involved in wedding planning and rituals of celebration. Children may express varying degrees of interest and preference for involvement, but it is nevertheless important to consult with them and consider their opinions.
As you plan, you might discuss the following:
Decor: How can the décor (e.g., pictures, table centerpieces, cake topper) reflect the joining of two already complete families?
Apparel: Style and color preferences for wedding day apparel
Menu: Food and beverage preferences
Ring ceremony: The possibility of a ring ceremony outside of the temple involving the children
Special assignments: Special assignments for children (e.g., ring bearer, flower girl, maid or matron of honor)
Pre and post temple: Pre and post temple celebration preferences and expectations (e.g., casual vs formal, large vs intimate, wedding guests – extended family, friends)
Family bonding: Pre or post wedding family bonding experiences (e.g., family retreat, staycation, or trip; boys night out; ladies spa day; hike, ropes course, or other unity building opportunity)
Familyness rituals: Rituals that honor the creation of a new family (e.g., gift of a ring or charm symbolizing family commitment, “family vows,” creation and display of a family mission statement, painting or other illustration of a family tree)
Helping Children Feel Comfortable During a Temple Sealing
Special consideration should be made to where your children will be, who they will be with, and what they will be doing during the sealing. Depending on the ages of your children, some of the following questions may be more or less relevant:
If your adult children have current temple recommends, are they planning to be at the sealing?
If your adult children do not have current temple recommends, are they comfortable being at, or near, the temple during the sealing and joining for pictures afterwards?
Where is the best location for children to wait during the sealing (e.g., on the temple grounds; in the temple waiting room; off-site, but close)
Based on the ages and attention spans of younger children, do you need to:
Plan an activity for them while you are in the temple
Bring a change of clothes
Bring snacks or ensure they have a meal prior to leaving for the temple
Do you have a close supportive family member who can be with your children and sensitive to their emotions and needs?
Who will help ensure your children are ready and in the right place when you exit the temple?
Helping Your Photographer Successfully Shoot a Blended Family Wedding
Being a wedding photographer must be a little like herding cats. I don’t know what would be more difficult – making sure everyone has their eyes open and isn’t scowling or getting everyone that belongs in the right picture at the right time. And guess what, both of these tasks are a bit more challenging with a stepfamily client.
I remember my son’s wedding. The photographer did a great job with the couple shots, wedding party, groomsmen and bridesmaids, as well as the bride’s family, but when she came to the shot with the bride and groom with their parents, she uttered the unbelievable: “Ok. For this shot I just need the ‘real parents.’” Huh? The “real parents?” Awkward pause, followed by my admittedly snarky, “Ok. Where would you like the fake parents to stand?”
So, to make things easier for all concerned, meet with your photographer in advance and follow these tips:
Briefly note any sensitive dynamics (e.g., unhappy kiddos, reticent teens)
Discuss preferred terminology (e.g., stepmom vs “your mom,” and for heavens sake, there are neither “real” nor “fake” parents in the wedding party)
Show them pictures of your children and make sure they know their names and which parent they belong to
Suggest where the kids will stand in the pictures
Provide a list of the group shots you would like and who should be included (by name)
Assign someone who knows both sides of your blended family to work with the photographer to gather wanderers and keep things moving smoothly
Dealing with Disappointments
In spite of the best intentions and careful planning, most weddings have at least one “miss.” Some are minor, and we find that we can laugh about them later. Others leave a sting that can last for years. But whether an older child is a no-show or a younger child throws the tantrum of the century, the way you respond is what will make the biggest difference in the effect it has on you and other family members.
Here are a few pointers to keep in mind:
Have realistic expectations – you are dealing with complex family dynamics
Be flexible – pivot and adapt, if needed
Have reinforcements on standby – recruit supportive family members for crisis management in advance
Breathe…then ask, “What response shows my love and commitment to this new family?"
Remember no matter how personal it might seem, it’s probably not about you
Extend grace and forgiveness – believe me, you’re going to want it returned in the coming years
Maintain an eternal perspective on what matters most – will this disappointment really matter in 10, 20, 50 years from now?
Weddings in blended families rarely unfold perfectly—and that’s okay. What children will remember most is not whether every detail went smoothly, but whether they felt loved, safe, and emotionally cared for.
Summary
Truly, congratulations on taking this critical step toward creating a marriage and family meant to last for eternity. But remember this is only one step of many along your LDS blended family journey. This will be a cross-country marathon, not a sprint. Be patient and stay close to the Lord. Turn to Him often as you face obstacles in your way. I have found from personal and professional experience that He cares deeply about stepfamilies and will guide and bless our efforts as we humbly seek His help.
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FAQ
Q: I was very happily married to my first spouse, and we had children together before he died. I’m now preparing to remarry, but I don’t want to have my sealing canceled to my first husband. How can I approach this touchy topic with my fiancé?
A: This can indeed be a touchy topic, and one that should be approached with honesty, transparency, and compassion. If your fiancé is in similar circumstances with a temple sealing to a cherished spouse who has passed away, he may not be as bothered by your desire not to cancel your sealing. (Don’t make assumptions, though. Be sure to ask him how he feels about it.)
If your fiancé was not sealed to a former spouse, or if a previous temple marriage was not a happy one, your desire to retain your sealing to your first husband could evoke a greater emotional response, as well as doctrinal and spiritual questions. In this case, it can be particularly helpful to discuss your concerns with a priesthood leader. They may not have all the answers you’re seeking, but can be a resource and guide to finding them.
Further complexity is added if either of you would like to have children together. Questions arise: To whom will our child be sealed in the eternities? How do we each feel about that? How will we address questions our child might have in the future about the eternal parent-child relationship?
You may also want to review relevant policies in the Church Handbook.
Although he was referring to the nature of eternal relationships when a family member chooses a different faith pathway, the counsel Henry B. Eyring received from another Apostle might be helpful to consider: “You just live worthy of the celestial kingdom, and the family arrangements will be more wonderful than you can imagine.” He further promised that eternal family relationships are “fair and good for all who are faithful.” These sentiments do not negate the weight of emotional and doctrinal concerns, but can provide a springboard for taking those concerns to the Lord, both individually and as a couple. And remember, the way you treat your spouse – whether or not you are sealed in the temple now, prepares and qualifies you for the promised blessings of exaltation
Q: My first wife is very bitter about our divorce. I fully acknowledge that I made many mistakes that I deeply regret, but her anger is hurting our children and casting a dark shadow over my fiancé and I as we try to plan what we hope will be one of the happiest days of our lives. What advice do you have?
A: First of all, I want to give you a heartfelt shoutout for acknowledging your role in your first wife’s pain and anger. While we can’t control the way others will choose to respond, we do our part when we consistently and humbly own our mistakes and allow the Savior’s Atonement to work in those whom we have harmed.
In addition to praying that her heart will be softened, acknowledge how difficult your wedding – and especially a temple sealing – is for her. Be sensitive and compassionate about how you talk about the wedding with your children. This doesn’t mean you can’t or shouldn’t be excited, but you can moderate your enthusiasm around your children recognizing that they are likely concerned about how this is all impacting their mom.
Have realistic expectations and be sure not to put pressure on your children to participate in ways that they aren’t comfortable, or they worry will hurt their mother more. (For example, some of the rituals for creating familyness might feel like a betrayal of their mom even if that’s not the intent). Ask for their ideas and implement them whenever possible.
Carefully plan and communicate your plans in advance so nothing takes her by surprise, but also be prepared to pivot, if needed. The last section of this post (dealing with disappointments) might be particularly relevant for you to prayerfully consider.
I’m sorry that your first wife’s struggle is hurting your children and dampening the joy you feel about your upcoming remarriage, but maintain an eternal perspective and rise above the temptation to lash out at her in frustration. Trust in the Savior’s ability to redeem and restore all our brokenness, including that in your children’s mom.
How to Apply These Principles in Your LDS Stepfamily
Preparing for a temple sealing in an LDS stepfamily is a complex process, but if approached with sensitivity, compassion, and a perspective of creating a family, not just a marriage, can lay the foundation for years to come. After reading this article, you might want to take some time in personal reflection, as well as open dialogue with your fiancé about how the tips shared could benefit your unique family. Here are a few ideas to get started:
Personal Reflection and Couple’s Conversations:
What concerns you most about your upcoming temple sealing?
As you read through the areas to consider before talking to your children, were there any “red flags?” Are you willing to delay your wedding date to work through potential concerns?
What questions/concerns do you have about eternal family arrangements, as well as Church policies regarding sealings and sealing cancellations?
Is this an area that merits further discussion with your fiancé, Bishop, or other trusted individual?
Have you brought your concerns to the Lord?
How do you feel about including your children in the planning process?
What ideas stood out to you as ones you would like to implement?
What priorities do you and your fiancé have for the wedding?
In addition to photographers, are there any other individuals who will be involved in the wedding that might benefit from a conversation in advance?
How well do you deal with disappointments, in general? How flexible are you? How forgiving?
If these are difficult areas for you, it might be helpful to work through them with a coach, therapist, or trusted friend before your big day.
For Children in Stepfamilies:
Depending on individual circumstances, these suggestions may be best between biological parent and child/ren. Remember to be open, curious, and compassionate when discussing sensitive topics with your children.
How do you feel about your parent’s upcoming remarriage? Are there any concerns that you would like to discuss with them?
Do you have any questions about eternal family arrangements (such as how sealings work between couples and their children after death or divorce of your other parent)?
How involved would you like to be in planning the wedding and the activities and celebrations that take place before and after the sealing?
What ideas do you have?
Is there anything that you are definitely not comfortable with?
Is there anything that would make the day a special one for you as well as your parent and soon-to-be stepparent?
If you’re ready to apply these principles but aren’t sure where to start, book a free 15–30 minute Discovery Call to talk through your unique challenges and explore how coaching can support your family’s journey toward unity.
